Intermediate Rikerology

Much human attention and internet bandwidth has already been spent examining Commander Riker’s idiosyncratic body language.  But further study continues to reveal the rich and multilayered depths of this fascinating subject, so let’s keep pealing the onion.

First up: the Riker Maneuver.  If you haven’t already seen it, check out this excellent compilation posted on YouTube by someone called “WeirdHat:”

There are a variety of theories out there as to why Jonathan Frakes (as Riker) sat down this way.  Is it simply because Frakes is so tall?  Was it his way of showing that Riker has a dominant personality?  Well, I think both of these things probably factor into it, but here is another clue: if you carefully watch the scene below from the season 5 episode “Conundrum,” (during the last couple minutes of the episode), you can see that it is physically painful for him to sit like a normal human.  In this scene, Riker is uncharacteristically cowed by Troi and Ro, and in this diminished and emasculated state, he is unable to perform the Riker maneuver.  You can see him wince and hear him groan as he is forced to sit down in the undignified manner employed by us lowly mortals.

Next, let’s look at Riker’s famous stance.  He’s best known for striking this pose on the bridge right behind the ops station:

riker_ops

A typical example of the Riker stance.

But he’ll do it anywhere:

picard_goerdi_riker_words

The Riker stance doesn’t care about your personal space:

Now then Mr. Data, let’s continue your study of human behavior.  Please observe the body-language of the two humans in front of you carefully, and tell me, which one of them is more comfortable with his crotch?

Now then Mr. Data, let’s continue your study of human behavior. Please observe the body-language of the two humans in front of you carefully, and tell me, which one of them is more comfortable with his crotch?

It’s also interesting to see how Riker’s body language has influenced the rest of the crew.  Few can pull of the stance quite like Riker, but that doesn’t stop others from trying:

geordi_stance_words

Riker generally uses his stance for good rather than for evil:

riker_teaches_geordi

At that moment, Geordi knew that things would finally turn around for him. His long years of loneliness would soon be over. For you see, Leah Brahms would be boarding the Enterprise later that day, and under the patient tutelage of his Commander and great friend William Riker, Geordi would learn how to strike a truly bitchin’ pose, and he knew that Leah would love him for it. Nothing could go wrong now.

It should be noted, there is someone other than Riker on the Enterprise who is badass enough to pull off the stance like a boss, and that of course would be Captain Picard.  Please observe:

So what does this examination of Riker’s unique body-language tell us?   Many people find it difficult to answer that question, but very often that is simply because Riker’s dick is in their mouth.   He must be doing something right, because even in the mostly sexless universe of Star Trek: The Next Generation, he manages to get some pretty regular tail.  That’s why so many of us often ask ourselves, “What would Riker do?”  Too bad the answer to that question is usually “Bang your Mom.”

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “Intermediate Rikerology

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s